I've · Got · You

I really dont what is it with life right now i honestly dont.
it seems like when ever my life seems to be going right something happens and it all turns to shit.
i just want out of this.
out of this shitty house
out of high school
out of my life right now

i feel like everything is out of control and nothing can be controlled.
my emotions are just wild and i feel so sensitive about everything i feel like i need to cry but its just not gonna come out.
i wish that my mom would get help. she just makes me feel so shitty every time i am around her and it just want to cry. she is so mean sometimes and she thinks she is toughening me up but thats not supposed to come from your mom she is supposed to love a nurture.

and i wish jason lived out here so i can hug someone who loves me and can just let me cry

livejournal these days.
Idk life has been great the last couple of days jason came to see me again lol. but i dont things with him are so good it scares me like iam legitimately in love with him. its weird to kiss him every time and get that spark. its also weird to have someone just wanna be with me with out wanting tons of sex. he is really the perfect man for me :).
the only think that sucks is i get depressed the day he leaves. its getting easier but i wish he would move out here so i would be able to see him always. :'( im going to try to get through today with out crying but its hard.
oh one more good thing my mom is starting to like him more so that is awesome and that means she wont try and change my mind about him. because she isn't.
well i guess that is enough oh and i think i broke another finger oh well it will get better it always does

Ughies my parents, well my mom. she can be so mean some times I dont know what is wrong with her. seriously the last time i was happy with someone it was like freshman year. and she always shots me down. its upsetting because i really like him and he is a really good guy. but my mom just never thinks anyone is good enough. but i can only do so good. its just really disappointing and upsetting.
so i had a rather bad night!
then i talked to Jason and he makes things better I dont know how but he does and I like that a lot.
He is really good to me! :)

i saw my jews and my besties!
and i got a little drunkles what more can i ask for
oh right a prefect boyfriend that makes me really happy!

we all wanna believe in something bigger then just us.
so today was weird it was really good but weird. because i haven't had good day in a while. well its also official i have insomnia i cannot ever sleep.
but i am packed and i hope i got everything because it would suck if i didn't pack everything but oh well we will do what we gotta do!

4 hours till cali i cant wait i finally get to see my cute cute boy again!!!!

ugh i dont know what is going on in the world!
( cutie boys )

well lets see its so weird to think that school is almost over and I am not ready to move on. I am ready to get the hell out of school because its redic. I just hate having to do the same thing everyday and thinking next year I wont have too.
well things are falling into place for next year. it scares me a little. I decided that I am double majoring in Art History and Fashion. So I can become a costume designer :)
another thing is my parents bought me a MacBook. She is so cute she is big and she runs fast. Wow she must be a DYKE! lol haha but her name is Fiona Apple LOL I am so funny. I cant help it.

like 95 days till school is out its so cute! :)

love love love this girl!

and I dont like that school is tomorrow because its going to make it worse.
i dont want to live in this house
and I wish someone would realize things

I want to be out of this now

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb299/iheartethee/lolcats4.jpg
http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb299/iheartethee/lolcats2.jpg
http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb299/iheartethee/lolcats-eye.jpg
http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb299/iheartethee/lolcats_wuzthisbig.jpg
http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb299/iheartethee/lolcats_oh-noes_ihasletgo.jpg

I dont know what it is about these cats they are so funny they make me laugh
lol..
I dont know if it that they look hilarious. or that they spell things really bad
haha what ever it is I laugh about it haha

break has been swelll kinda loving it...
I miss some people tho

<3

went to scottsdale with kimmm
went to dinner and then drove around a little
and some more random things
but found this video and thought it was really cute!
watch the whole thing!!!

wow i cant believe first semester is almost over!
its weird because this is the first year i have the same friends
also i have found who my real friends are. not the people that want the attention or just want me to spend on them. but the people who want to spend time with me and the ones who aren't ashamed of the really me. i love it in a way and in another way i don't. i miss the old days kinda just thinking about moving on from the past i had a lot of really good relationships and a lot of sour ones. but its nice to know that i have many that are stable none the less. even if i do not see them all the time.
but thinking of all this brings me on past loves in my life and makes me think did i really love them? or was i just saying it because they said it. i know i loved one of them and i still see him all the time. and sometimes i hate it because i would like to be with him but if i am i would be sad because it will never be like before the past always plays into the future. but i don't know i hate him all at the same time for hurting him and always running back to him. funny isn't it? and on top of that i can never find anyone as good as him because i was soo spoiled with him. he really set the bar high for all the other boys. but since him i havent really had the same relationship. and it kinda blows i lower my standards sometimes because i get so lonely. but i guess the right boy will come along right? i hope so. maybe why i have been so unhappy lately is because i am lonely. i don't want to settle, but i would like to have a boy for the holidays to share the "happy times" with. i mean the girls are great company. but i really need a nice cuddle and a movie with little kisses here and there. just spending time together not spending money.
I don't maybe my time will come again. maybe it will be a while. but what if i found and i just don't know
goodness fuck all these what ifs...
this turned out to be really long i am sorry well here is something cute!

You know when you have those days and you feel like no one gets you and everyone annoys you more then usual. Today has been one of them. I mean there were some highlights. Not that they made my day amazing. A cute boy can only do so much.

I just hate how I am always looked down uppon in my family. I try to live up to what they expect but its hard. I am not the academic kid. C'mon lets be real. Its sucks because I always have the doubt of them dangling over my head "you're not gonna graduate" I hear it almost every day fly out of my moms mouth and it would be okay if she was joking but she isn't. It hurts to know that she potientally likes my sister more. all today she has been nagging me and being a complete bitch and hate it. She doesn't get me she doesn't even try to spend time with me anymore. Its makes me sad because she goes out of the way to spend time with my sister. And I have to force her to spend time with me. And she wonders why I don't talk to her we don't know eachother any more.

I am really stressed out about finals I mean I am actually studying and I have been all day and my sister is trying to help but there are something that I do that I can't change like they way that I have to hear music to keep me on track. My mother and my sister both try to help but I just get more stressed I don't know why. Probably because they have such high standerds for academic and I don't I'm not gonna be a scientist when I grow up. If I do?
I just feel like life is too much I mean these last couple weeks have been so hard. There was so much that is going on so many emotions. All I want to do is cry about all of it but I can't it just won't come out and no one knows what I have to go through!
I habe so much shit in my life. On top of being a normal teen I have to go through these things most teens don't.

It sounds dumb to say you are lonely and you need someone when you have your family. But I don't feel I do. I honestly feel like a boarder in my own house. I would like one person to love me and except me for who I am. I'm not smart. I'm not good looking. I make a lot of mistakes and I have really bad luck but I can't make it on my own with out someone to share happy event in my life!

I am really at that point where I just want to let go and just let my self wither away and die. So I don't need to deal with everything. All this hurt and sadness. All the worries, fears, all the things you will never have to ever worry about. Everything... anything.

Is life out of hands and out of control? And do we need that control to live the rest of our lives?
Can someone have life figured out help me figure out mine?

I need something.... soon.

Holllay shit I am so legal now its so weird.
it doesn't even feel like my B day!
but I am off with Mel T/ Asian Spice?/ Biffie!
to get my INDUSTRIAL I am kinda scared?

well thanks to all who made today wonderous

boys confuse me!

and my birthday is in like an hour and 45 min

Hmm... so its been like a year since I have posted. well one good reason I forgot my log in stuff, BUT thats not the point the point is that this

THURSDAY I WILL BE LEGAL!

that is all that matters.

well well it has been a very long time! 
well I have been busy beyond beliefe band has sucked the life out of me but I of course love it to death 
um yeah so school is amazing for once i am doing well and i am having fun. in evit i decided to enter into a fashion design contest and i am really pumped for it haha 
so i am also really stressed out because i am auditioning for academy winterguard and there are some really really good people trying out too and i am a little scared that i wont make it because i want it so much because i dont think i can do it  next year but yeah if i dont i am not going to be to upset because i konw i have tryed my darndest! haha but sunday was the first part of the audition and let me say INTENSE, we did so much stuff and it was so crazy. and these last couple of day i have been sore, sore, sore! 

ah well i am sitting here in class fooling around because i have no clue what the hell i am doing oh man i am such a bad student!!!

i have a new love the name sweedish fish 
so amazing and so good 
and damn they love me back!